My Crimson Chaos

Alexander Theroux once said, "Hypocrisy is the essence of snobbery, but all snobbery is about the problem of belonging".  Auburn should really consider adding this quote to their beloved creed because it defines them.  Never has an athletic program tried so hard to mirror their rival more than the university of auburn.  Earlier today, Bama's prodigal little brother announced that auburn athletic officials are considering recognizing as many as 7 additional national championships.     This may come as a complete shock as I'm typically opposed to anything positive taking place down in west Georgia... But dear 8 lb 6 oz newborn baby Jesus, PLEASE DO THIS WAR EAGLES!  I'm totally serious. I fully support this proposal.  Because for as long as I can remember, countless auburn fans have been annoying the hell out of our fanbase with the same tired diatribe.  I know.  There's just so many... So to avoid confusion, I'm referring to the one about Bama's &#

Yesterday, many Birmingham motorists found themselves stuck in their cars in the Magic City for over 12 hours. Countless people began running out of fuel & running out of hope.  At 4 am this morning, I lay awake in bed listening to the heroic efforts of the Hoover Police Department via the police scanner as they spent all night going car to car trying to get those stranded to safety.   In the midst of yesterday's mass chaos, countless stories of complete strangers risking their own safety to help others get home to their families.  Whether it be pushing cars for hours in the freezing cold or simply getting supplies to those stuck in the gridlock, it was a heartwarming reminder to me that humanity is still alive and well.  And sadly, there were also reports of abandoned cars being broken into last night, too.  People who take advantage of catastrophic situations in such a manner really should just be locked away forever because they don't have souls. Cars left on I-5

If you are, you're a hypocrite.  Last night, The Seahawks clinched a spot in the Super Bowl thanks to America's greatest troll, Richard Sherman.  And the entire 60 minutes was brutal as hell.  We all loved watching 2 very physical football teams beat the ever living shit out of each other.  We watched with morbid excitement as Fox replayed NaVorro Bowman's nasty ACL tear about 250 times.  And we watched twitter blow up after Richard Sherman gave one of the most epic post game interviews in the history of the universe.  Seriously. It was awesome. The ONLY way he could have improved upon it is if he body slammed Erin Andrews WWE style before exiting the field. If you are offended by the passion & truth Sherman brought to the mic last night, then he really is better at life than you.  Think about the adrenaline that had to pulsating through every fiber of his body after making the game winning play for his team.  If that had been me, I probably would've tried to

Yet again...  The University of Alabama Football Program is under attack by various news outlets because of the booster we all love to hate, T-Town Menswear owner, Tom Al-Betar.  Of course, this isn't the first time Al-Betar has been a thorn in the side of the Crimson Tide Nation.  On March 31st, 2011, the University sent a dissociation letter to him due to concerns with the "display of memorabilia indicating a relationship with several University of Alabama student-athletes." WAIT... WHAT??? Rival fanbases (I'm looking at you, war eagles) have got to secretly have a major crush on this dude.  While they are busy with their diatribes about Bama's blatant disregard for NCAA rules & Bama fans are refuting them with some pretty weak excuses, the most important part of this ongoing saga is getting overlooked.  This dude is creepy as hell!!! Seriously, what the heck is wrong with this dude?  If he truly loves this University & is a real fan of this fo

Filed under things I never thought I'd see, Bama's new Offensive Coordinator, Lane Kiffin, was spotted wearing Alabama gear earlier this morning in Oxford.  Today marks the end of the NCAA "dead period" & Lane Kiffin's first stop was to visit longtime auburn commit, Racean 'Roc' Thomas.  Thomas, a 5 star running back who was named Alabama's Mr. Football earlier this year, has been considered a firm commitment to auburn since last August.   Don't get me wrong.  Considering Bama's depth at his position & the staff expecting phenom Bo Scarbrough to sign with the Tide in 3 weeks, flipping Thomas is not a high priority.  However, I'll be paying close attention to which players show up in Ttown this weekend for recruiting visits.  It's definitely a long shot, but landing Thomas would cause a meltdown on the plains so epic, the Yeldon flip would look like child's play.   I think I'm starting to like this Kiffin dude...

In 222 days, Coach Bruce Pearl officially becomes hireable again.  And University of Alabama Athletic Director, Bill Battle, should have that date circled in crimson.  Scratch that. He should be petitioning the NCAA to lift Pearl's show-cause as soon as basketball season is over because he will have officially missed 3 seasons.  Why?  Because hiring Bruce Pearl is exactly what our basketball program needs to reach the greatness that Grant promised.... But sure as heck never delivered.  And if Bama doesn't make a run for Bruce Pearl, I can guarantee there will be no shortage of universities that will. This type of situation is the best shot that a program like Alabama has to lure in a coach of Pearl's caliber.  And what type of program is he looking for?  He was asked just that back in August of last year. Pearl answered, "It's going to need to be somebody that has the vision that Tennessee had.  They had a vision to try to get its men's basketball program to

OMG!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!! Yep.  It's official. Lane Kiffin is now The University of Alabama's offensive coordinator.  The latest in a string of 'You've got to be kidding me' moments in all things Kiffin, I am now fully convinced he & the lovely Layla have a secret unicorn farm, a ladybug garden, a wishing well, a pot of gold, & a dang army of leprechauns to guard it all.  This is the only explanation for a man who led the Oakland Raiders to 5-15 over 2 seasons, spent a year making a hot mess out of Knoxville (okay, that's awesome), only to leave them like a thief in the night for USC.  While there, he completely lost the team & was fired in the most humiliating way thinkable by being dumped at LAX in the middle of the night. But hey! If you look past the trail of horror that is his head coaching resume'...  If you close your eyes to the blatant recruiting violations & his affinity for hot coeds...  This is actually a genius hire.  He i

The Alabama nation's been doing it all season long.  From the time I walked out of Sun Life Stadium in January until the time I watched the now infamous errant kick in the Iron Bowl in November, I was planning my trip to Pasadena.  And for the past month, there's been a bitterness growing inside me...  There's been a sense of dread leading all the way up to last night's final BCS National Championship game.  Bama should be playing FSU in the Rose Bowl, dammit! And I gotta admit, I had somewhat bought into this team of destiny.  After the prayer in Jordan Hare & kick six, you gotta admit, they DID have a pretty convincing argument behind all that destiny nonsense. But last night ended up being the storybook ending to the irony that is the 2013 football season.  Seriously. I mean, I couldn't have penned a better ending if given the chance.  Who could have predicted that 2 of the most pivotal plays of the game would involve Ricardo Lewis, the hero of the Georgi

As we all wait for the final game of the BCS era later tonight, many members of the auburn fambly have been busy doing their best shocked and disgusted impressions. How dare us Bammers not support our state?  Oh, the diatribes have been truly entertaining.  Just another in a long line of examples of just how classless the Alabama fanbase can be....   Due to the insane number of championships Bama has won lately, it didn't take long to find a plethora of examples proving once again that the auburn fambly is not only obnoxious.... They're hypocrites.      Don't get me wrong.  I DON'T WANT auburn fans supporting us.  It's a rivalry.  Please hope we lose every game.  I promise you that's the fate I wish for your beloved war eagles. And if hating auburn is wrong, I don't wanna be right... ROLL TRIBE ROLL!!! Thanks for stopping by, y'all! Roll Tide! Roll Tribe!

Tomorrow night, the Bama nation will have a very big decision to make.  Who to pull for in the final BCS National Championship game...  I admit, to my own surprise, I've struggled a bit over this decision.  Let me be clear. My struggles have NOTHING to do with being loyal to the SEC.  I hate 90% of the teams in the SEC & I'd be willing to bet that an even greater percentage of SEC teams absolutely despise Bama.  I am a Bama fan. I am NOT an SEC fan. Furthermore, I couldn't give 2 shits about wanting the state of Alabama to continue an unprecedented run of 5 straight crystal trophies.  I have to live in this state. Which means I am already sentenced to hear the most obnoxious fanbase in America drop overused one-liners like, "Hey got a second?", for an entire flipping year.  Why should I hope for a win that will only fuel their over-the-top annoying behavior? I mean, let's be honest.  The auburn fanbase is already the Al Czervik of the c

I rarely watch tv but I'm obsessed with American Horror Story: Coven. Jessica Lange just owns me. Couple that with my love for 'the quarter' & you have the makings for a dang fine trip.  So as much as I hate consolation prizes, I had a really good time in New Orleans this week....  It isn't often you get to break 3 or 4 laws with your mom to get to see the infamous Marie Laveaux's tomb, after all. Yep.  We broke into the graveyard... With the help of a very nice crackhead. He even gave us a little background on Madame Laveaux.  So we scaled the wall of crumbling bricks!  Our hearts were racing!  Here we were. Locked in a graveyard with the Voodoo Queen & we had no idea if we could escape. As we wondered along the isles of crumbling tombs, we finally found her resting place.  Offerings of coins, cheap silk flowers, & even cigarettes were scattered about.  So we did the ritual we had read about & knocked 3 times & chanted an age old poem....