Iron Bowl Problems

For the last month, I've been struggling with a really difficult life decision.  I'm not talking about where to plan my next vacation or what color to paint my kitchen, y'all.  This is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than that....  See, I am the proud owner of a couple of Iron Bowl tickets & I've been really torn about what I should do with them.  Before you roll your eyes and label this a first world problem, hear me out & you'll understand why it's been so hard deciding should I stay or should I go.

Reason #1
I really hate Auburn, y'all.  This is not your typical run of the mill kinda hate either.  I despise everything about them.  I hate their fans.  They're truly the most annoying fanbase in all of college football.  I hate the way they not only think God is a football fan but he is, in fact, an auburn fan.  I hate the way they make signs saying things like, "God Thing" while guzzling bourbon and cursing at opposing fanbases.  I hate that they dress their mascot up like an angel.  I'm not kidding.  They dress

Aubie up in an angel costume complete with wings and a halo.  Who even does that?  Auburn.  That's who.

I hate how they ridiculed The University of Alabama back claiming championships yet when given the opportunity to do the exact same thing, they were 'all in'.  Because that's what little brother does....  I hate that they cannot even admit their little brother mentality and in the same breath explain how they wouldn't trade a loss in the last National Championship of the BCS era for the last second win over Bama.  Speaking of which, I hate that they aren't even original when they do have bragging rights.  If I had a dollar every time I've heard, "Got a second?", I'd go invest in a quarterback like they did in 2010.

I hate Patrick Fain Dye, Phillip Marshall, Rob Bramlett, Stan White, & The Never To Yield Foundation.  That school has more yes men than Kim Jong-un.  I hate Toomer's Corner & how they seriously believe that their poisoning is equal to the devastation that hit Tuscaloosa on April 27th, 2011.  Look, I realize it sucked that their trees got poisoned.  I've been to Toomer's before.  Heck, I even rolled a tree once (let's keep that between the 2 of us).  But to compare it to an event where lives are lost & homes destroyed is just.... Well, it's just auburn.  If we could move them to the East & only play them every few years, I'd be all for it.  Not because I'm intimidated.  I just hate dealing with them.

Reason #2
The 2010 Iron Bowl.  This game is the worst experience I have ever had in the hundreds of games I've attended in my lifetime.  People often ask me what my most painful loss is and without hesitation I scream this game.  And it's not really even close.

After having the opportunity to attend every single game of the 2009 perfect season, 2010 had already been a pretty deflating experience.  In contrast, I got to witness The Cam Show live and in person on 3 separate occasions that year & had prepared myself for the curb stomping that seemed inevitable.  After working to have the intestinal fortitude to stomach a defeat by our rival in our house, my best friend and I made our way down 59 to T-town.  It was sleeting and cold but I took solitude in a pitcher of yellow hammers and a pretty awesome tailgate.  When it was game time, I put my big girl britches on and we made our way to our seats.

Imagine my surprise when we came out guns a blazing.  My gosh, if I could bottle the high the first half of that game gave me I'd be a very rich woman right now.  Being a former pageant girl, I have always had the mentality that if you can't win the crown at least spill bleach on the odds on favorite's dress, right?  

Then came the second half.  Ingram had the ball knocked out and I'm fairly certain there's several laws of gravity that were broken. Never before and never since have I seen a ball roll that far in a straight line.  I'll never forget it.  Have you ever had life happen in slow motion?  I have. During that play.  And I still have phantom shoulder pains after watching Barron so close.... Yet so far away.  I've never left a game so broken.  And to add insult to injury, an accident caused our 45 minute trek back to the comfort of our beds ended up taking us almost 4 hours.  I hate that day.

I hate auburn.

Reason #3
The 2013 Iron Bowl.  While many Bama fans refer to this as their worst game, it only ranks second in HT's history of being a Bammer.  All season long, we had images of a threepeat dancing in our heads.  It was a foregone conclusion that traveling to the plains was just a business trip away from the SEC Championship Game.  We had this.

However, by the time I made it to Clanton that morning to pick up mom on the way to auburn I knew.  For some reason, in the 40 minute trip to my childhood home Punt Bama Punt played 4 times.  As I walked thru the door, I looked at my parents and said, "we're gonna lose today".  Not ever being one to listen to my sixth sense coupled with being jail raped over the price of admission, I ignored this awful feeling and off we went.

That entire day sucked.  My mom was taken aback by how poorly we were treated by the war eagles.  Let me be clear, we weren't spat on or had drinks thrown on us.  It was more of how I would imagine a leper felt walking thru town in Biblical times (oh, the irony).  I don't need to replay how everything went down because ESPN is reminding you every 4.2 minutes all week long.  However, I will tell you that the long walk to the car further proved that there was no religion in auburn that night.  Those fans screamed every expletive in the book at my mom & me.

So there's my problem.  History shows that the old cliche' of throwing the record books out the window for this game isn't true.  Most of the time, the team that should win does.  I just happen to have very raw memories of 2 very painful losses.  And a mighty strong distaste for all things auburn.

In the end, I have decided to go.  I believe we'll win Saturday and win convincingly.  I'd be so depressed not being able to be a part of Rammer Jammer while feeling the sweet euphoria of beating the war eagles.  I'm pretty sure I've earned it, right?

 After all, "Don't you know how much I hate these <bleeping> guys?"....

Roll Tide. Beat Auburn.