Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Another Suicide Survivor's Story- One Voice Matters


Yet again, I found a blog post about suicide that captured things I've always tried to say.  I just didn't have the talent & mental fortitude to do so...  Thanks to @BrooklynMims for sending this to me!!!

"Suicide is not a choice to die, but rather an expression of the deepest human desire to survive"...

I had never seen this quote until tonight.  I had never read a perspective from a suicide survivor that is so similar to mine until tonight.  I'm sure if you cared enough to click on this post, you know my story.  But for those who don't, I had someone I love very much put a gun to his head last April.  He had suffered from encephalitis & meningitis & it resulted in an acquired brain injury.  His neurologist was in complete shock when I contacted him about Kev's fate.  As with all suicide survivors, we forever search for answers... We are constantly looking for someone who understands.  This girl 'gets it'... Please take a moment to read her story:


You'd probably think I never want to be reminded of this...  But when you're left with so many questions, blogs like this quench your thirst for answers.  See, you can put yourself in the shoes of someone who cheated on their spouse, who got fired from their job...  But you can't ever put yourself in the shoes of someone who completed suicide.

You're simply left with questions...

This blog post made me realize that as hard as I've worked to talk about suicide, to change that word from having such a stigma, I haven't done a very good job of it.  Kev's funeral was horrible.  It was a slap in the face to his life.  There was no prayer...  The men who eulogized him didn't even know him.  In the weeks following his death, his mother begged me to explain his brain injury.   Because nobody wants to feel any kind of guilt that you're sentenced to when you lose a loved one to suicide.
But the Bishop at Jay's funeral gave him a much better farewell.  He said, "Suicide was not a choice he made, but rather a choice he happened onto when his pain was more than his ability to cope"...

Suicide wasn't mentioned at Kev's funeral.  I was too in shock to even realize it.  I just put all my thoughts into what I could do for my little sister.  Just another regret in a long line of them where my friend Kev is concerned.  But nothing about his funeral was right anyways.  I guess that's another blog post for another day, though...

Suicide can happen to anyone.  I never realized that until it happened to my family.  Kevin's life meant something.  This may be another boring suicide post to you, or it could help you understand that you aren't immune.  I sure wish someone had blogged about it before it happened to my family.

Rest In Peace, Kevin.  You were a wonderful friend, a better cop, & the best boyfriend....
Roll Tide!  Roll Kev!  He's the one who told me to start writing... Wish he was here to see me finding my voice.



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