An Anaconda Lives Behind My Fence...

If you know me at all, you know I have an unhealthy, borderline psychotic fear of snakes...  You can save your "this snake is good because....", I hate them all & would kill them with fire if given the chance.  So after some fun in the sun today, I braved a little yard work in preparation for putting my cozy house on the market.  I back up to some woods, a stream, & a fabulous walking trail which is a selling point for normal people.  I, however, have an irrational fear of snakes....

So I decided to kill some weeds that had been growing behind my fence this afternoon.  Not 2 minutes in & I spot it....  The girth was indescribable...  I was unable to see the head but round, pointed, or whatever I was ready to set Ross Bridge ablaze because this HAD to be an anaconda!  I fell on my back into my backyard & it took a moment to catch the breath that had been knocked out of me.  I mean, what the ever living @#$%?  This beast of a snake was at least a foot around & I didn't even wanna know the length....

As I laid there on my back trying to breathe, a million thoughts were rushing thru my mind...  Why is a freakin' anaconda in Hoover, Alabama?  Do I have enough lighter fluid to destroy this monstrosity?  Am I paralyzed from falling off my 7 foot ladder?

The fear was building up to the point that I felt like I might explode!!!  What the heck am I gonna do knowing that beast is living so close to me????  Seriously....  My dog isn't skinny & I kinda adore her but I'm pretty sure this mother could eat my dog!!!  Lex dog has been my snuggle bug for 14 years!!!  I couldn't let that happen!!!
So I finally put my big girl britches on.  It was time to face my fear.  As I was devising a plan to kill this pre-historic snake, I decided I needed to have just one more look before I brought out the dynamite...

Heart pounding...

Dear God, can anacondas jump? I'm not ready to die, y'all!!!

I must do this....  I HAVE to do this...

You really don't even understand the fear flowing thru my veins.  It almost felt like I was at the dentist's office because my fingers and toes felt like they were on a ferris wheel.  But. I. Must. Protect. My. Home.


Welp... I'm a proud owner of an armadillo....



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